something for the weekend Friday, 30 May, 2008

up, up but not away Thursday, 29 May, 2008

Thursday. Better than Wednesday. Much better. I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have to accept he is not interested after all and move on. Life is there for the taking. I can’t spend my time wondering what might have happened. It’s important what did happen, I messed up, end of story. You live and learn. One day I’ll learn (maybe). A friend said my standards are too high, I replied maybe they are too low, hence the problem! Who knows. I just don’t like to be treated like ’someone else.’ Not vanity, far from it. I would have liked to be special for this person, but didn’t happen. So be it. If he didn’t see me as special, what can I do. Except for thinking positive, looking forward and see what’s around the corner. Bring on the weekend.En bicicleta by La Buena Vida

I’ll call you, maybe Wednesday, 28 May, 2008

Ah right, mid-week. Having spent the past two days sulking over a non-deserving guy, today I am back to almost my usual-self. That it’s not to say I am 100% back but I am getting there. Can’t deny that my thoughts are still up there, flying over my head…I have come to the conclusion that nobody deserves all this attention. How is that for a pick-me-up. Worked all morning, catching up with emails, sending out contracts and pushing thoughts out of my skull. Now I am ready to go to the gym. Haven’t been for more than 24hrs and it’s not right, just not right. Just one question to the guys out there: why the hell do you always promise to keep in touch when you know from the start that you are not going to? Isn’t easier to say that actually you’ll never call, that you could keep in touch from time to time if you have a spare moment and that’s it? I mean, that is actually it? You know the line you use: ‘it’s complicated’ really doesn’t wash with me, I am sorry. I read this as ‘I am with another woman but I am so coward, I don’t want to tell you.’ It’s OK to be honest, you know. If I am wrong, I am wrong, just tell me. Ah, you see. I need to go to the gym and get rid of all frustrations. Clearly I am not 100% yet. Maybe it’s a full moon, is there a full moon, I don’t know. Bear with me on this one, please. It’s just a phase. I hope it won’t last that long. You know what I miss the most? The good laughs. This is totally ridiculous. As if you could base anything on a good laugh alone. Right, stopping right here right now and going to the gym before I write more stupid thoughts.

PSS Sunday, 25 May, 2008

would you believe it. I am supporting the one eyed monster!!!!!

Sinbad anyone? Sunday, 25 May, 2008

Sunday. Lazy sunday. I did a bit of filing today, but not much. I don’t want to strain my brain too much, not on a sunday. It’s the one day of the week we are supposed to rest. I am resting today. My bum is parked on the sofa, I had a bowl of yummie pasta for lunch and I am watching rubbish movies on the telly. It’s ideal. I am in a funny mood, my thoughts keep running to a man who doesn’t deserve them. I have been trying to shun them away all afternoon, telling myself I need to make a mental note to do this, that and the other. This lazy sunday is not helping. As for rubbish movies, how am I supposed to get distracted with Sinbad and the Seven Seas? (Why seven, I wonder). It’s a very old version, too. Gerish costumes and stupid dialogues. I am concentrating. I am hoping that the colourful costumes will provide an alternative thought. Now there is a monster too. Monsters are good. They are all different and all very bad at being very bad! Especially those from the 60s. I almost wish they’d win once in a while. It’s so unfair to be a monster, having to lose every time. The rubbish movie was helping a bit, until a princess appeared. Now there is going to be wedding, Sinbad and the Princess. This is unbearable to watch; nothing else on the telly, nothing worth noting. So Sinbad’s wedding it is then! …and there is me, trying to get distracted…where is that monster? What happened to the bad guys? Maybe waking up was a bad idea. I should have opted for an afternoon nap in the Land of Nod. I have lost my usual beat today. I am getting all sentimental and shouldn’t. He really isn’t worth it. I should convince myself that Sinbad is not that bad. When you understand the choreography, the dialogues, the cute monsters, you could even appreciate what they were trying to tell. Hmmm, maybe not…Thank God I am going to the gym tomorrow morning. Nothing like beating up a cross-trainer to get rid of negative thoughts. They are negative if the person isn’t worth it, so tomorrow back to concentrating on me, my persona, my very-being. Then back to work, as usual. My business needs me. I just have to make sure there is plenty of sand around me to stick my head throught it. Oh so not like me, but hey, even Goddesses have a crisis from time to time. Today is my turn!

…and thinking about it, Sinbad is alright after all…

Eyes wide closed Thursday, 22 May, 2008

Blimey, I don’t know what’s happening to me this week. Since coming back from Italy on monday night, I can’t keep my eyes open. Not for long, anyway. I was away only for a few days, it shouldn’t be a problem to get back into the swing of things, surely? True, I was busy, but no more than usual. Monday night got back really late and had an early start on tuesday morning. Tuesday night I had an early night, slept well and yesterday morning was fresh like a daisy. Until midday. By midday, I started to wonder whether I should go home for a snooze or a long lazy siesta. Couldn’t, but wanted to. Last night I was working away on my business for a few hours, but again, nothing out of the ordinary. All in a day’s work for me. Slept well, once again. This morning I struggled. Oh God. I was late for work, an event in itself. Now I am on the third cup of coffee and I am not sure I can last until late afternoon. Is it ageing? is it that I don’t want to be here but would love to go home and concentrate on the business? Or more simply, I just need a holiday? I keep getting invitations here and there from friends and family. All very good. Don’t have the time, the business is really picking up. Money? Ah! I’ll say this again: Ah! Moving on. On the other end, if I stop, the business - and everything else - stops with me. The bucket is right here. No question. Bank holiday weekend coming up, want to know my plans?: working on the business on saturday, hopefully vegetating on sunday then working again on monday. It is not a holiday in South America or in many other countries, so off I go, working away. I am nearly two months behind with my book-keeping (yeah, I know, very bad!) and need to sort all those receipts out before I forget what they were for! or why, or whatever. So much for the good advice: must set apart half day every week to do book-keeping and keep my head above water. Ah, ah. That’s a good one, honest. You tell that to all the small businesses that have to do, in no particular order, marketing, accounting, market research, run the business, networking (face-to-face or otherwise), fend off sales phone calls (do I want to swap my insurance or what) and any other off-items/tasks coming our way. My choice, yes, happy with it, yes very. I just wish right now that my eyelids would keep up with my motivation and my brain wouldn’t insist in doing pit-stops every now and then. Not too much to ask, I don’t think. Now, forth cup of coffee anyone?

Introducing Carolina Tuesday, 20 May, 2008

Good morning everyone. I am back. Oh yes. Flew back last night and it took me two hours to get home from Stansted airport. Oh the joy of low cost. The mini-break went very well. I arrived home late on Wednesday night, after stopping at a bar with my uncle for a coffee (as you do). Thursday was spent between the local Fiat dealer shop and my insurance company. More documents, more signatures, more money. But I was very happy. I couldn’t wait to pick up my car. Cousin Peppino and I went there on Friday morning. Do I tell you that he had to drive the car because, after 20 years of no driving, he wouldn’t trust me with it? Or that he was afraid I would run someone over? Or that, having chosen the most remote parking in town, he still had doubts whether I should be driving my car? Never mind vertical parking, it was a case of ‘oh nooo, you can’t do that’, ‘oh I wouldn’t do it like that, it’s not right’, ‘huh, you really want to be more careful when you do that, you know.’ Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Don’t you just hate smug drivers??? Now, he was right of course. I need driving lessons again. It’s imperative if a) I want to survive b) I don’t want to be charged with manslaughter. When I’ll find the time to book a set of 10 driving lessons, maybe in July? I need to. I am going back to Italy in August to redecorate my house and take the car back. Hmm, I am not sure how this latter part will work, you know. I have to think about that. Found a ferry that does Italy-Barcelona, then 6 hours’ drive on motorway to Bilbao, then the ferry Bilbao to Portsmouth, then drive to London. She says. And she can’t even manage to drive the car around her little town in Italy.  See the problem, can’t do it on my own. Even after the driving lessons. Argghhh. By the way, I have named my car Carolina. It’s a sweet little name for a sweet Fiat 600 and actually, quite cute! I miss her already. She is in good hands, safely parked in my uncle’s garage until I can go and pick her up again in a few months. I miss her already, isn’t that weird. I only met her for 48 hours and I wish she was here in London. Arwww…. so, until we meet again Carolina. Oh yes, hopefully by that time I would have mastered the clutch. At the moment, the mention of the clutch gives me nightmares.

 

Vroom, vroom [well, almost] Wednesday, 14 May, 2008

Ah, no blogging until next week. I am going to Italy for a few days and will pick up my brand new car, a Fiat 600 (white). Gorgeous little thing. Do I mention now that I haven’t driven a car for twenty year? Only had a brief spell in Canada in December. My cousin (’Mr Electric’) took pity and let me drove an automatic. Now, as for a manual car, will see how that goes, huh. Cousin Peppino (traffic warden) is waiting in the wings to see my car parked vertically. My medieval town is a nightmare for parking spaces. You know, I can see that too, my car, parked vertically because I don’t know how to park it and because I very quickly run out of patience. Arghhh. I am excited though. I’ll have yet more independence. Oh dear, what have I done.

Brief Encounter-made in W1 Tuesday, 13 May, 2008

I love working in London W1. Ever so posh. Just an hour ago, I popped out for some lunch and walked in straight in front of a camera. Phil Tufnell was reporting on a new event happening nearby. Probably for the BBC ONE Show. I don’t know. Well, we said ‘hello.’ Can I say he is such a nice guy in da flesh as he is on telly? Yeah, he really is. Not that he is the first - or probably the last - famous people I have seen in W1. Ohhh nooo. In no particular order, Prince Charles, Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen, Giorgio Armani, Richard Gere (my God, gorgeous), Keanu Reeves, Gordon Ramsay (so hot) and several journalists, policitians and TV presenters. Phil’s hello almost make up for my Black Monday. Or actually, it does make up, let’s be generous here. He is Mr Nice Guy, after all. The only dowside of these encounters is that you can’t ask for autographs or a photo snapping (is this too chav, hey?). They are all surrounded by an army that keeps people like me at bay. (No Madam, you can’t kiss Gordon Ramsay, no way), (Mr Gere is not available for pictures right now). Ah well, I have to be content with admiring them, close up or from a distance. No touching. In the case of Prince Charles, I consider this to be a blessing. No offence hey, but the man doesn’t exactly enthuse passion. Not to me anyway. Still, I haven’t yet given up on the idea that one day I’ll catch Gordon Ramsay by surprise and steal a kiss. Have to jump from behind though, which is not easy. This needs more planning, I suppose. Right, back to work. Day dreaming, not about Phil Tufnell (hello mate), but about grabbing Gordon Ramsay and…

Black monday Monday, 12 May, 2008

Good morning? Don’t you dare! I hate mondays, I really do. To top it all off, I come in to work, check my emails and bang. Several stupid emails from several stupid middle/top managers. We have a deadline ( a week from today), I am on holidays from Wed 14 to Tue 20 and I am trying to get things done and what do they say: ‘Oh, we don’t like the faint blue line you put on that postcard’, ‘Can we not think about a different concept for the image?‘ or - wait for it - ‘Can we not organize a photo shoot, do we have time?’ - ARRGGGHHHH, no, we don’t have time to hire a model for a photo shoot, no, we can’t change the image and as for the faint blue line, live with it, alright? I still have to understand why some people get paid 50K+ to come up with such crap. Where have I gone wrong all these years? I mean, it’s different now. I have my own business and other plans, but can you believe there are people out there getting paid loads - yes, loads - to say such things??? They are not politicians either. I could understand if they were, but no. These are average people in average jobs with over inflated salaries.  Do you think I need a coffee? I think I need a coffee. Black, strong and lots of it. As for mondays, this is going to be a long, long one. I hate mondays.